Connecting a few dots

Destiny – I am and always have been skeptical about destiny. Can things fit by themselves beautifully in an order as  if they were destined to be?  I haven’t been able to take leap of faith to believe in destiny or anything supernatural or mystical.  I brush aside everything as a mere coincidence. I secretly wish that there are somethings that are indeed beautifully pre-destined in the world. I hope that I experience something that convinces me of destiny.

Illusions–   Everything I feel could be an illusion in my head. I feel that it could all be a figment of my imagination. I think that I  can create and wish away emotions and feelings. I want to believe that everything is not an illusion. But I cannot convince myself yet.

Thoughts – I think in ‘layers of thought’. Each layer is important to me.

People – I no longer try to explain myself to people. I do not even attempt to expose all my layers of thought. I adapt myself to fit in, and its enjoyable. I am not faking it - there is no pretense  I sometimes do feel frustrated that I cannot share my thoughts with most people. It makes me feel empty inside. Whenever I find someone who I think understands me - I  start believing that maybe its destiny that I met them.

Rules – I detest them. I hate social norms. I hate all rules.

Society – I want to run a social experiment. I want to form my own rules that I believe are right. I want to do things my own way. I want to do something that makes a ‘dent in the universe’

Aim – I don’t believe in aims and goals. I believe in fluidity

Love – I hope its real and not an Illusion in my head.

Novelty – I always want to see something new.  That’s the only thing that keeps me alive. I want to know more. I want to learn new things. I want to know the answer for everything. I want to think about novel things.  But, in the end the only thing I would ever know is that I know nothing at all.

Fun – Its important to amuse oneself and have fun all the time. It’s the only real (illusion) thing

Fame/Success –  Important so that I can have fun and experience new things. No more or no less important. I don’t mind failing in this world.

Money – Important to uphold spontaneity and fluidity in life. Important so that I can have fun and see and do new things. No more or no less important

Good and Evil – I sometimes feel that I have lost my moral scales. Everything is a big blur.  I cant decide anymore. All I know is that  a) I do not want to hurt anyone I know b) For those I don’t know – greater good for greater number of people. c) If I Love someone there is no need for a moral scale. I will do anything for them.