The Answer

He lay on his back exhausted, tired of everything he had faced. He looked back on the days that had gone by. For a strange reason things seemed clearer today. Yes they were so much more clearer. He could see everything as if it was playing right before his eyes. He wanted to go back in time and back and back…..
He saw himself as a toddler. He must be four. Everything was so simple then. Things were either right or they were wrong .You should not take a candy from a stranger because its wrong. You should always tell the truth because that’s right. He was happy. Everything was new. So much to know so little time. Why were so many people crying around him?. He did not understand. All he saw was grandpa sleeping peacefully. But why was evervbody around him so sad? The first sight of death didn’t shock him. He was merely puzzled. Why were people sad for no reason. Everything was either right or wrong and nothing seemed right about this. There had to be some reason. He understood later. Death was sad and when somebody dies you are sad and you cry. His mother told him this. And what mother said was always right
Things grew cofusing slowly. He knew so much more and understood little. He was 18 that night .He had never understood his parents but he had to listen to them. He was bound but he wanted freedom. Everyday he had to fight against himself. He did things he never wanted to do. He was never popular with his friends. He had a built a wall around himself ,it prevented people from coming too close. He was afraid to be hurt and content to be alone, he was happy that way. His classmates conversation made no sense to him.They wanted to be popular,did things which others percieved as cool,they talked about girls.Specially he never understood love. ‘What is love?” he thought. He never understood it. All he understood was sex. It seemed real he was not ashamed of it. He was very surprised that night when she came up to him and said ‘I LOVE U’. He didn’t know what to say. They knew each other for years. He liked talking to her so much. They talked about irrelevant things but he liked it. He had dreamt of her every night naked in his arms. So he asked her “What does that mean ?”.She would understand he thought. She looked at him with horror wondering what his question meant. He was confused again. So he told her what he had always wanted to tell her ‘I wanna make love to you annie ” .Surely she would understand. He still remembered the tears flowing down her eyes. Tears of humiliation. Tears of sadness. He did not understood. She never taked to him after that. His friends explained to him later that things were not this simple. He never understood. Because things were either right or they were wrong. And nothing seemed wrong about this.
He remembered his 40th birthday party. Everybody was talking about him and his success. He loved his work. The whole world seemed against him at one point of time. But he decided not to give in. He didn’t want to fight himself any longer. He had to do what he wanted to do. And after years of struggle people started realizing how good he was at what he did. He was the best now. And he knew it. People seemed jealous of him. Not only because of his success but also because of his lifestyle. He kept no secrets. Everybody knew that he had never married. But they also knew about the women in his life. For the women it was a chance of sleeping with a successful man who happened to be good looking .And to him it was the only thing he needed out of women. He didn’t have much of a social life. He had no friends except some of the women he slept with. He didn’t care. He didn’t need anybody. Now he wasn’t scared to get hurt but was still content to remain alone. He was happy. His boss asked him for a favor that night. Some dirty work. It was easy for him to do it. But how could he? Things were either right or they were wrong and how could he do the wrong thing. No it was wrong he told his boss in clear words. Everybody in the party heard him say it clearly. Next day he was asked for his resignation and he resigned promptly. Somebody from the party tried to explain to him that things are not that simple. He didn’t understand. Because things were either right or they were wrong and nothing seemed wrong about this. Some part of his spirit left him that day. He was alone now. He couldn’t do his work. The work that he loved. The work that was his life. It was all that he had. How could somebody take it away. He was broken. Later that day he was sitting alone in the bar drowning all his sorrow in liquor
He remembered .Since that birthday he had never been able to bring back his desire to work. Some part of him had been taken away. All he had lived for was his work and now life seemed hopeless and without a purpose. But he needed to make a living. He worked in various places. He read a lot and learnt a lot. Learning seemed to be the new purpose of his life. But one thing remained with him. Things are either right or they are wrong and we must do what is right. That day while walking back to his apartment he saw this young woman being raped by four young men. He tried to stop them. He tried to fight them. But he was too old. They beat him up badly kicked him all over and one of them stabbed him with a knife. They left him for dead. He lay on his back exhausted, tired of everything he had faced.He tried to look back...... He saw death coming .Death was sad and you are supposed to cry when somebody dies. Who had told him this? He couldn’t remember. But who will cry for him he thought? People had to cry for him because that was the right thing to do. He knew nobody would..why?why?why?..he thought.Why was everything so wrong?.He couldn’t find an answer. His final sleep wasn’t a peaceful one…